Yep! He!He!He! still around .
This was doing my head in 
.
He who forgives, ends the quarrel’…anonymous. Your best friend has just done something so bad to you that it could be classified as the eighth wonder of the world. It’s so incredulous you can hardly believe it! You are feeling really mad, seething with anger, frustrated… Add on feelings of hurt and being let down and here is an article on forgiveness staring in your face. “After what that person did to me I’m supposed to forgive and let them off the hook?” you say to yourself. “No way. It’s not fair,” another voice screams in your head.
slow down He!He!He! and read on. We may be shedding some new light on the subject of forgiveness.
The need for forgiveness arises when someone has done some wrong to us — in actual or perhaps something in our imagination. And mind you! That someone could even be ourselves. In fact, let’s begin with self-forgiveness — something we could all do with! But before we do that, let’s see why we need to forgive anyways?
Why forgive?
There are health aspects of forgiveness. People who can forgive easily tend to be happier. Not forgiving someone ensures we are locked in a cycle of hate and anger that keeps us low and ultimately results in health issues.
Self-forgiveness
It is said that the way we speak to ourselves is something we would never allow anyone else to speak to us like. Here is what I mean — how often do you have thoughts like ‘how stupid of you’, ‘how could you have done something like this’, this was such a simple task, how could you goof up on it’, blah blah blah…We are generally much more compassionate towards others. So, take it as a challenge to catch yourself scolding yourself mercilessly the next time you make a mistake. As you grow more tolerant towards yourself, you will be much kinder and tolerant towards others.
I should love and trust the other person again
Who said you had to — there is no rule in any forgiveness book that you need to. Forgiveness is not about forcing yourself to do anything. In fact, forcing yourself to love the other person or even like them is likely to make you dislike them even more. Sometimes it is not possible or even necessary to reconcile. Pope John Paul forgave his assassin but he is still in prison so that he can do no additional harm.
The other person should apologise
Really! You could be waiting forever if that is your aim. How often do other people muster up the guts or decency. That is giving your power away. Remember what we said earlier, forgiveness is about you.
Forgiving means I’m OK with the behaviour
No way! Who said that? When something is wrong, it’s wrong. But it’s the behaviour that is wrong. If you find a way to separate the behaviour from the person, you will find yourself feeling a whole lot better.
Only weak people forgive or apologise
This is so not right! Just think about times in your own life when somebody has genuinely taken the first step to end a quarrel. Have you thought they were weak for doing that? Instead you are probably so very glad that the air has been cleared and the energy drain has stopped. It takes courage and guts to take the responsibility for a mistake, apologise, or just take the first step in making things right. Look at what a professor of psychology at Hope College says: “Forgiving doesn’t mean ignoring an injustice or letting someone treat you badly. Remember that it’s not a wimp’s response. It takes a strong, courageous effort to make that move. Letting go of your grudges takes a great deal of moral muscle.” — (Charlotte vanOyen Wilvliet, quoted in Zest Magazine, (UK) October 2000.)
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was YOU.
I must/should/have to forget what the other person did
Forgiveness is a quality of the heart and hence cannot be forced. This is not about denying what you are feeling, or putting up a robotic front, because we all know anyways that this does not work. It is really about coming to terms with what has happened and finding the peace and strength to move on.
Forgiveness does not equal forgetting. It is about healing the memory of the harm, not erasing it.” — Dr Ken Hart.
How to go about it
• Write a letter to the person — write an actual letter. Begin it with Dear and sign it at the end. Date it. All this is recommended so that your mind accepts this as a serious exercise. Write your grievances out and how this is affecting you. Say you are wiling to forgive. In the end you do not need to send it.
Now begin anew to live your life without the burden of unforgiving pain — it is unnecessary suffering
Prayer — For chronic cases, use prayer because God can do what you can not do. So if you are feeling really stuck, turn it over to God.
The ways are many — you have to choose and see which one works for you. How will you know if you have succeeded? It will simply be a feeling of peace, a feeling of letting go that is really hard to describe. For intense issues, it will take some time for the wound to heal. The acid test will be when you will be able to think of that other person and not have any thoughts of revenge or of harming them. This is for your own peace of mind. Do whatever you can and whatever works for you to gain this invaluable treasure.
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you
now have was once among the things you only hoped for.
Treat people in such a way and live amongst them in such a manner that if you die they weep over you, and when you are alive, they crave for your company"
Hope you guys have a nice day .
I’ll go for a walk ….
