Working Away

What are we here for? Where are we going? What's the point of it all?
What little things we are, how weak and how wretched! Humanity makes for such a pathetic creation.
We all are as humble people are: alone, naked, and revealed, exposed to love and to the light.
If I cannot be other than"me" them "me" is a prison: How can I be free?
How do you discover your real purpose in life? I’m not talking about your job, your daily responsibilities, or even your long-term goals.
I mean the real reason why you’re here at all — the very reason you exist.
Perhaps you’re a rather nihilistic person who doesn’t believe you have a purpose and that life has no meaning. Doesn’t matter.
Not believing that you have a purpose won’t prevent you from discovering it, just as a lack of belief in gravity won’t prevent you from tripping.
I believe every person is here for a definite purpose.
Each person is special and valuable; that refers to me, you, your family, friends, in fact everybody!
There is a loving plan for each of our lives here on earth and there is no such thing as coincidence.
Whether you call it fate or destiny, I don't believe that anything in life happens by chance and that every aspect of our lives points to something deeper.

Man is an animal destined to die; an animal aware of his mortality; an animal with urges rather than instincts, passions rather than reason, fantasies rather than thoughts, anger rather than wisdom.
There are three great events in our lives: birth, life and death.
Of birth we have no conscience; with death, we suffer; and, concerning life, we forget to live it.
Our lives are full of contradictions. They are often sad, little, comic... That’s why they are often a target for our own sarcasm and humour.
Life is just one damned thing after another i.e. The problem of how to pay the bills, the problems of marriage and career and so on. Life problems are those that arise in our day to day lives that demand attention and simply will not go away until they are solved. These are the issues of life, the pressing matters, the things we find to be a problem in our lives He!He!He! (Men deal with life, as children with their play,
Who first misuse, then cast their toys away).

Why is there something rather than nothing? We do not know.
We will never know. Why?
To what purpose? We do not know whether there is a purpose.
But if it is true that nothing is born of nothing, the very existence of something –
the world, the universe – would seem to imply that there has always been something:
that being is eternal, uncreated, perhaps creator, and this is what some people call God.
André Comte-Sponville, French philosopher,

When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in the eternity that lies before and after it,
when I consider the little space I fill and I see, engulfed in the infinite immensity of spaces of which I am ignorant,
and which know me not, I rest frightened, and astonished, for there is no reason why I should be here rather than there.
Why now rather than then? Who has put me here?
By whose order and direction have this place and time have been ascribed to me? words of Pascal, in the seventeenth century.

Love gives meaning to our lives – as do friendship, or art or faith in God. These are factors of true happiness, of inner peace, of feelings of harmony, allowing meaning to our existence.

Let's ask God to help us to self-control:

for one who lacks it, lacks His Grace.

The undisciplined person doesn't wrong himself alone—

but sets fire to the whole world.

Discipline enabled Heaven to be filled with light;

discipline enabled the angels to be immaculate and holy.

The peacock's plumage is his enemy.

The world is the mountain,

and each action, the shout that echoes back.

This discipline and rough treatment are a furnace

to extract the silver from the dross

The spiritual path wrecks the body

and afterwards restores it to health.

Anger and lust make a man squint;

When self-interest appears, virtue hides:

Fortunate is he who does not carry envy as a companion.

If ten lamps are present in one place,

each differs in form from another;

yet you can't distinguish whose radiance is whose

when you focus on the light.

In the field of spirit there is no division;

no individuals exist.

The idol of your self is the mother of all idols.

To regard the self as easy to subdue is a mistake.

If you wish mercy, show mercy to the weak.

The stoppered jar, though in rough water,

floated because of its empty heart.

When the wind of poverty is in anyone,

she floats in peace on the waters of this world.

As long as desires are fresh, faith is not;

for it is these desires that lock that gate.

The tongue of mutual understanding is quite special:

to be one of heart is better than to have a common tongue.

If you dig a pit for others to fall into,

you will fall into it yourself.

Many of the faults you see in others, dear reader,
are your own nature reflected in them.

With will, fire becomes sweet water.

The lion who breaks the enemy's ranks

is a minor hero

compared to the lion who overcomes himself.

O son, only those whose spiritual eye has been opened

know how compulsive we are.

Whoever gives reverence receives reverence.

The intellectual quest,

though fine as pearl or coral,

is not the spiritual search.

The intelligent desire self-control;

children want candy.

Since in order to speak, one must first listen,

learn to speak by listening.

When, with just a taste, envy and deceit arise,

and ignorance and forgetfulness are born,

know you have tasted the unlawful.

Know that a word suddenly shot from the tongue

is like an arrow shot from the bow.

O tongue, you are an endless treasure.

O tongue, you are also an endless disease.

I am burning.

If any one lacks tinder,

let him set his rubbish ablaze with my fire.

Although your desire tastes sweet,

doesn't the Beloved desire you

to be desireless?

The world's flattery and hypocrisy is a sweet morsel:

eat less of it, for it is full of fire.

Forgetfulness of God, beloved,

is the support of this world;

spiritual intelligence its ruin.

For Intelligence belongs to that other world,

and when it prevails, this material world is overthrown.

Were there no men of vision,

all who are blind would be dead.

All these griefs within our hearts

arise from the smoke and dust

of our existence and vain desires.

Whoever lives sweetly dies painfully:

whoever serves his body doesn't nourish his soul.

Your thinking is like a camel driver,

and you are the camel:

it drives you in every direction under its bitter control.

If you are wholly perplexed and in straits,

have patience, for patience is the key to joy.

Fast from thoughts, fast:

thoughts are like the lion and the wild ass;

men's hearts are the thickets they haunt.

If you are irritated by every rub,

how will your mirror be polished?

Anyone in whom the troublemaking self has died,

sun and cloud obey.

If you wish to shine like day,

burn up the night of self-existence.

Dissolve in the Being who is everything.

There is no worse sickness for the soul,

O you who are proud, than this pretense of perfection.

The heart and eyes must bleed a lot

before self-complacency falls away.

Can the water of a polluted stream

clear out the dung?

Can human knowledge sweep away

the ignorance of the sensual self?

How does a sword fashion its own hilt?

Go, entrust the cure of this wound to a surgeon,

Many are the unbelievers who long for submission,

but their stumbling block

is reputation and pride and continual desires.

I'm the devoted slave

of anyone who doesn't claim

to have attained dining with God

at every way station.

Everyone is a child

except the one who's intoxicated with God.

God has said, Knowledge that isn't from Him is a burden.

like a woman's makeup, it doesn't last.

Be cleansed of the (false) self's features, and see your pure Self:

Know the mirror of the heart is infinite.

Either the understanding falls silent, or it leads you astray,

because the heart is God,

or indeed the heart is He.

Everything, except love of the Most Beautiful,

is really agony. It's agony

to move towards death and not drink the water of life.

Fiery lust is not diminished by indulging it,

but inevitably by leaving it ungratified.

Anger is a king over kings,

but anger once bridled may serve.

To live a life with meaning, there must be love–and forgiveness. Not the kind of love that appears neither say, with sexual attraction or possessiveness, nor the ‘instant’ kind of forgiveness we see on TV by family members of public figures who have strayed. Love and forgiveness live deeply within our hearts and must be deeply felt to be truly expressed.

For love to have staying power it must be committed and as close to unconditional as we can make it. Only as we age do we realize how far from perfect we ourselves are and how full of judgments we once were–and most likely still are. This is where forgiveness comes in—to forgive ourselves for the hurts we laid down, and to forgive those who hurt us. You could even call forgiveness selfish in a way, for without it, it’s very difficult to continue to have relationships, and what meaning is there in living a life without dearly beloved others?

There are no perfect-behaving humans, not our children, not our parents, not our boyfriends, or wives, nor our close friends. Most of us are so caught up in our own thoughts, opinions, and emotions; it’s astounding that we have any friends at all. That we do is a striking sign of hope that love is at work within us, and that in addition to seeing what a pain-in-the-rear our family and friends are, we can also see what is good in them, and what is worth fighting for—with forgiveness.

“We all need friends with whom we can speak of our deepest concerns, and who do not fear to speak the truth in love to us.”

"We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can fly only by embracing each other."

I see rich & poor people dying all the time. but most of the really rich people never have any visitors, gifts, flowers, or calls. But the poorer people always have their room full with visitors and there is never enough room to put all of the flowers, cards, and gifts.
In the end, you will measure your life by the friends you have gained and the lives you have touched and what you have done in life.

Friend is definitely worth having. Whether they be online or offline. They're there to support you and be there for you. No one should be without a friend. They help you get through life.

Sure, some people might argue that friends are there only for a moment and then leave you. But, it's better to have a friend then have none at all. Yes, they leave you at times, but they will always be in your memory, and that's the important part.

having friendships is very important and not only is important, but it’s usually fun, right? I mean, we have the opportunity to talk about the latest guy or girl we like, we get to go do things with our friends, they make us laugh and feel special and accepted. But is that what being friends is all about? Chatting about relationships and laughing? Or does being a friend mean something else, too – does it carry special responsibilities? I think that when we say that we’re a friend to someone, and then we need to do all we can to help make sure our friend is safe and happy. Being a friend, to me, means asking if our friend are okay and genuinely trying to help them through tough times.

A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand “Today my best friend slapped me in the face”.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone “Today my best friend saved my life”.

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?” The other friend replied “When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”

Friends: They are treasures in our lives waiting to be discovered. Coming in all shapes and sizes, they bring much laughter and joy into our lives. Yet, when life takes a down-turn, they become shoulders we can lean on, and hands that lift us up from the valley.

When God created us, He never meant for us to be alone. He wants us to have friends who will love and honour us, just as we love and honour them. Therefore, let us thank God for all the special friends that we have in our lives, and trust Him to increase and sustain these quality friendships.

Let us learn to love our friends as God loves us, and He’ll knit our hearts together as one. Appreciate these special relationships that make our lives colorful and bright, for they are channels through which the blessings and happiness of God can manifest in our lives.

Best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare.
False friends are like leaves, found everywhere

Moral: Do not value the things you have in your life. But value who you have in your life.

It is a beautiful story which talks about a friend and at the same time talks about the gratitude of a person. That is to say that we should never forget the people who help us.

Let me share another story with you

Let me share with you a story about a medical doctor, who was invited as a guest speaker to address a group of alcoholics in one of the social programs.

Medical doctor wanted to make a demonstration that would be powerful enough to make people realize that alcohol was injurious to their health. He had two containers, one filled with pure distilled water and another with pure alcohol. He put an earthworm into the distilled water and it swam beautifully and came up to the top. He put another earthworm into the alcohol and it disintegrated in front of everyone's eyes. He wanted to prove that this is what alcohol does inside our body. Hence, he asked the group what the moral of the story?

One person from behind said, "If you drink alcohol you won't have worms in your stomach." Was that the message? Of course not, that was selective listening; we hear what we want to hear and not what is being said. So we understand what we want to understand and follow-up in our lives...
Live for something:
Do good, and leave behind you a monument of virtue that the storms of time can never destroy. Write your name in kindness, love, and mercy on the hearts of thousands you come in contact with year by year, and you will never be forgotten. Your name and your good deeds will shine as the stars of heaven.

Absorbed in this world, you’ve made it your burden.
Rise above this world. There is another vision.
All your life you’ve paid attention to your experiences, but never to your Self.
Are you searching for your Soul? Then come out of your prison.
Leave the stream and join the river that flows into the Ocean.
It will not lead you astray.
Let the beauty you seek be what you do.
.....~Rumi

Take care and be a good friend He! He! He!

Self-Respect

What is the price we pay for self-respect? Some people feel robbed of self-respect, while others have even killed to overcome feelings of inferiority. Psychologists insist that respecting others is impossible until we learn to respect ourselves. They believe that individuals, lacking in self-respect, are mistakenly too focused on helping others and not taking care of their own needs
One of the most important things you can teach your child is respect.
Keep in mind that respect is not the same as obedience. Children might obey because they are afraid. If they respect you, they will obey because they know you want what's best for them.

The best way to teach respect is to show respect. When a child experiences respect, they know what it feels like and begin to understand how important it is.
Keep in mind the saying "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Teaching children self-respect and respect for others is one thing you can do for your child which outranks all others. Much of a parent’s mental effort is spent on providing the best in nutrition, clothes, health, status, education and other amenities for their offspring. Yet parents can also foster self-esteem in their children.

Instilling self-esteem is a process. It is like green ware in ceramics -- it is very fragile while it is being formed. That process takes years and is the most vital product of childhood. Success in adult life is statistically linked more to self-confidence than any other skill, bar none.

Notice that children use the significant adults in their lives as a mirror -- helping them see where or not, and how much, they should esteem themselves. There is a sense of proportion that families would be well-advised to observe in dealing out positive and negative cards toward a child.

Schools teach children about respect, but parents have the most influence on how respectful children become. Until children show respect at home, it's unlikely they will show it anywhere else.

How can you show respect to your child?

Be honest - If you do something wrong, admit it and apologize.

One of the most important things you can teach your child is respect.

Keep in mind that respect is not the same as obedience. Children might obey because they are afraid. If they respect you, they will obey because they know you want what's best for them.

The best way to teach respect is to show respect. When a child experiences respect, they know what it feels like and begin to understand how important it is.

Keep in mind the saying "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Respect is an attitude. Being respectful helps a child succeed in life. If children don't have respect for peers, authority, or themselves, it's almost impossible for them to succeed.

A respectful child takes care of belongings and responsibilities, and a respectful child gets along with peers.

Schools teach children about respect, but parents have the most influence on how respectful children become. Until children show respect at home, it's unlikely they will show it anywhere else.

How can you show respect to your child?

Be honest - If you do something wrong, admit it and apologize.

Be positive - Don't embarrass, insult or make fun of your child. Compliment them.

Be Trusting - Let your child make choices and take responsibility.

Be fair - Listen to your child's side of the story before reaching a conclusion.

Be polite - Use "please" and "thank you". Knock before entering your child's room.

Be reliable - Keep promises. Show your child that you mean what you say.

Be a good listener - Give your child your full attention.

Children learn from everything we say and do. Make sure that you are modeling respectful behavior. Some of things you can do are:

Obey laws - Follow rules.

Be caring - Show concern for people, animals and the environment.
For every five positives you can afford an honest negative (e.g. correction, anger, criticism). If this ratio is maintained, children can come to view themselves as more positive than negative.

When you set rules at home, explain to your child why the rule is important. For instance, if the rule is "No TV between 4:00 and 6:00" it is because this is homework time and homework is important to keep grades up in school.

Teach your child to respect themselves. Self-respect is one of the most important forms of respect. Once we respect ourselves, it is easier to respect others.

This feeling of being mostly good also allows for more honesty with oneself and others about weaknesses. Such inward integrity is a key agent in accomplishing self-improvement versus avoidance and defensiveness so often seen when growth is really needed.

You might consider telling a child what to do rather than what not to do. (“Please put that book on the Bookshelf, sir.” rather than “Stop putting the book on your head!”) Such a change in wording changes the whole meaning from correctional to informational. Children need such clear structure. Of course, you need to mean it if you say it. This is where assertive parenting can help.

One of the most important things you can teach your child is respect.

Keep in mind that respect is not the same as obedience. Children might obey because they are afraid. If they respect you, they will obey because they know you want what's best for them.

The best way to teach respect is to show respect. When a child experiences respect, they know what it feels like and begin to understand how important it is.

Keep in mind the saying "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Respect is an attitude. Being respectful helps a child succeed in life. If children don't have respect for peers, authority, or themselves, it's almost impossible for them to succeed.

A respectful child takes care of belongings and responsibilities, and a respectful child gets along with peers.

Schools teach children about respect, but parents have the most influence on how respectful children become. Until children show respect at home, it's unlikely they will show it anywhere else.

How can you show respect to your child?

Be honest - If you do something wrong, admit it and apologize.

Be positive - Don't embarrass, insult or make fun of your child. Compliment them.

Be Trusting - Let your child make choices and take responsibility.

Be fair - Listen to your child's side of the story before reaching a conclusion.

Be polite - Use "please" and "thank you". Knock before entering your child's room.

Be reliable - Keep promises. Show your child that you mean what you say.

Be a good listener - Give your child your full attention.

Children learn from everything we say and do. Make sure that you are modeling respectful behavior. Some of things you can do are:

Obey laws - Follow rules.

Be caring - Show concern for people, animals and the environment.

Avoid poor role models - When you see examples of disrespect, discuss them.

When you set rules at home, explain to your child why the rule is important. For instance, if the rule is "No TV between 4:00 and 6:00" it is because this is homework time and homework is important to keep grades up in school.

Teach your child to respect themselves. Self-respect is one of the most important forms of respect. Once we respect ourselves, it is easier to respect others.

Your opinion means a lot to your child. If you believe your child can succeed, they will believe they can as well.

Build their independence. Give them responsibilities as soon as they can handle them.

Help them set and achieve goals. Their self-respect will skyrocket when they see themselves achieving those goals.

Encourage honesty. Let your child know that they may be able to fool some people, but they can't fool themselves. There is no pride in stealing, cheating, or lying.

Most importantly, show love! Say 'I love you" often and give plenty of hugs and kisses.

If your child makes a mistake, remind them that they are still loved.

AND REMEMBER: Children learn from everything we say and do. Make sure that you are modeling respectful behavior. Some of things you can do are

Trust is the bonding force in any intimate relationship and precedes love itself

Trust: An entire relationship contained in that one word. The only acquired instinct that we need to learn, if we need to live. Trust surpasses all, contains all and forgives all. We trust.
A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter:
"Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said:
"No, Dad. You hold my hand."
"What's the difference?” what is difference Asked the father.

"There's a big difference," replied the little girl.
"If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

That is trust (read it somewhere)

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours...

Trust is about consistency and predictability. Trust occurs as a result of two people learning that each other are trustworthy- that they won’t turn on you, won’t abuse you, won’t reject you, won’t leave you, won’t lie to you, will be straight with you, can be counted on for support, will accept you as you are and so forth.

Unfortunately, humans are not completely trustworthy. Not only will others betray your trust. You will betray others, and worse than that, you will betray your own trust. You will make promises to yourself, and you won’t keep them. You will strive for a goal and then subtly or not so subtly sabotage yourself. You will lie to yourself, and sometimes you may even be more critical of yourself than anyone else.

We live in a throw away society. When something gets worn out, we toss it out. When something is no longer useful, we get rid of it. When a person betrays our trust, we get a divorce, stop speaking to them, fire them, leave them, gossip about them, and otherwise try to get back the pride that we seem to have lost as a result of the insult (the betrayal).
Most people seem to be trustworthy, good people, but sometimes a bad experience causes a person to lose trust in other people.
Each time we hope that this relationship will be the true one, the one in which trust lasts. Each time, sometimes quickly, other times not, the betrayal occurs. Each time, to bolster our well deserved pride, we assert, “Nobody is going to treat me like that!” we cut our losses and move on. We don’t move on unburdened by the past, however. We carry with us the deep wounds and consequent resentments that have built up from one betrayal to the next.
Trust is the bonding force in any intimate relationship and precedes love itself. Even when someone loves you deeply, they can break your trust and leave you shattered and dismayed. Trust builds very slowly but can be lost completely in a moment; it’s a very tender force.
The most immediate effect of the betrayal of trust is in the emotional impact on the person betrayed. Generally speaking, the greater the trust that you had put in the other person and the greater the impact their betrayal has on you, then the greater the distress you will feel.
When you are betrayed by someone, it is highly likely that you will not easily trust them again. Trust is fragile and can be lost instantly or there is a hysterics whereby a long-earned trust may be eroded and then suddenly lost.
Trust plays a key role in every arena of our lives, because trust is the linchpin for all our relationships-family, School, Mosque church, work, and community. And how we sort out all the issues of trust and mistrust determines the direction our lives will take-and our ultimate happiness and fulfillment. How can we build deeper, stronger trust in our relationships? How can we cope when that trust has been wounded or destroyed? How can we live a life of trust without being naïve about betrayal?

Somewhere along the way, all of us in one way or another have seen our trust mishandled, either on purpose or by mistake. Slowly we became a little jaded in our view of the world. Perhaps at some point in our lives we blindly trusted someone without question. But as our experience grew, a little voice began to warn us to be cautious with every decision concerning trust.

But if you go through life thinking that relationships only bring hurt, then you stand the chance of missing out on getting to know someone who will actually treat you right.
Trust is the most basic component of being close to someone. Trust entails knowing that a partner cares about you, that he/She is available when you need him, and that he/she has your best interest at heart.

And my friend to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.

To err is human and to forgive is divine.”

Strike Back Against the Selfishness and Greed

"Those who are less fortunate
Often don't want to ask for help.

Hard times hit all of us at some point
Enjoy your good fortune
LET your fortune help others
People helping people make this world a better place!"
..Catherine Pulsifer...

So strike back against the selfishness and greed of our modern world, and help out a fellow human being today. Not next month, but today.

There was once a king who was just and kind and honest. He ruled his land fairly. The kingdom was peaceful, prosperous and happy.

The king had just one problem: his brothers. These two men were cruel, selfish, and mean, but above all, greedy. At royal parties, they would push, poke and barge their way to the front of the queue for the buffet. Then they would gorge themselves, eating and drinking until they could hardly move.

One day, the king decided to do something about these two awful brothers of his. In the middle of the night, the royal guards woke the brothers and marched them downstairs into a small dark room they had never seen before.

Inside the room was a table. On the table was every kind of food you could imagine. There were pies and puddings, cake and crumbles, buns and breads, roasts and rolls, tarts and trifles, and dish upon dish of tasty things.

Standing next to this table heaving with goodies was the king, looking very stern. The king commanded his brothers that they must eat the food that the royal kitchens had prepared for them, but they must follow two important rules when doing so. The brothers looked at each other, then at the king, then at the food, their mouths watering.

“Rule number one,” the king went on. “You must only eat the food using the spoons I give you. Rule number two. You must only hold the spoon by the very end of its handle. Break either of these rules and you will be thrown into the dungeon.” The king then walked out of the room, locking the door behind him. The two greedy brothers rushed forward to grab the spoons, pushing each other out of the way.

However much they pushed, shoved and criticized each other, the two brothers were unable to eat even one crumb of the delicious food. It was only after three days of trying, when they were weak with hunger and half-mad with frustration that they came up with the idea of helping each other. Only by co-operating, taking turns and carefully feeding each other, were they able to get any food at all.

The next day, the king opened the doors of the brothers’ room and found two very different men inside. They had learned how to think of others, how not to be selfish and how to work as a team.

I think these high-lights one of the fundamental problems in society today – most people you meet are too wrapped up in themselves to worry about helping anyone else, both physically and emotionally. “What’s in it for me” is what most people think instead of getting satisfaction from helping another human being

Has anyone ever reached down and given you a pull when you needed it? Who was it, and what did that person do?
What can you do to give another person a hand?
Can you do something today?

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all times you can, by all the means you can, as long as you can.

..................I wonder if you can do that today...

Children's feelings are important

More and more children each year experience their parents’ divorce. For these children and their parents, this process can be emotionally traumatic from the beginning of parental disagreement and rancor, through the divorce, and often for many years thereafter.

Divorce and separation may be solutions to a discordant marriage, and any decrease in interfamily hostility may be constructive; however, for many children and their parents, tensions continue and the entire divorce process is a long, searing experience. Divorce is the termination of the family unit, and thus, it is often characterized by painful losses.
Approximately half of all children do not see their fathers after divorce, and relatively few have spent a night in their fathers’ homes in the past month.

The divorce itself is usually not the first major change in the affected child’s life. Parental conflict before the separation often leads to internalizing and externalizing behavior problems, even in preschoolers.
Children’s sense of loss is ongoing and may increase, especially on holidays, birthdays, and special school events and when trying to integrate new family relationships. Other losses for the child or adolescent relate to changes in home, extended family, school, playmates, financial status, and parental work schedules.

Up to half of children show a symptomatic response during the first year after their parents divorce. Risk factors for continuing childhood difficulty include ongoing parental discord, maternal depression, psychiatric disorders in either parent, or poverty. Long-term follow-up studies indicate that divorce may limit or delay children’s capacity for intimacy and commitment as young adults
Children of divorced families In general, the accumulation of multiple stressors and changes create difficulties for children
More often children in single parent families moved the more likely they were to drop out of school or become pregnant during the teen years. In general, the more stressful experiences that children encounter during divorce the more difficulty they will have. There is also evidence that indicates that children whose parents divorce more than once are worse off than children who only experience one parental divorce.
There are a number of factors that account for why children in divorcing families may have difficulties—loss of contact with a supportive parent, fewer economic resources that lead to multiple changes, more stress, poor parental adjustment, lack of parental competence and conflict between parents. When these risks can be reduced or overcome, then children will fare better.

. PARENTAL LOSS—
Divorce often results in the loss of contact with one parent and with this loss children also lose the knowledge, skills and resources (emotional, financial, etc.) of that parent.
ECONOMIC LOSS—
Another result of divorce is that children living in single parent families are less likely to have as many economic resources as children living in intact families.
MORE LIFE STRESS—
Divorce often results in many changes in children's living situations such as changing schools, child care, homes, etc. Children often also have to make adjustments to changes in relationships with friends and extended family members. These changes create a more stressful environment for children.
POOR PARENTAL ADJUSTMENT—
Generally how children fare in families is due in part to the mental health of the parents; this is likely to be true for children in divorced families as well.
LACK OF PARENTAL COMPETENCE—
Much of what happens to children in general is related to the skill of parents in helping them develop. The competence of parents following divorce is likely to have considerable influence on how the children are doing.
. EXPOSURE TO CONFLICT BETWEEN PARENTS—
Conflict is frequently part of families and may be especially common in families that have undergone divorce. The degree to which children are exposed to conflict may have substantial effects on children's well-being.

. Important Resources
Mothers and fathers are important resources for children. They provide emotional support and practical assistance as well as serve as role models for their children., nonresidential fathers see their children only 4 times per month following divorce and about 20% of children have no contact with their fathers 2-3 years after divorce. In contrast, non-residential mothers visit their children more frequently and are less likely to cease contact.

The amount of contact between the nonresidential father and their children is not the determining factor; it is the quality of the father-child relationship that matters. There is a growing body of evidence that illustrate how nonresidential fathers affect their children. First, when a nonresidential father has frequent contact and there is minimal conflict, children are faring better; however, when there is conflict, frequent visits are related to poorer adjustment of children , when father/Mother helped with homework, set appropriate limits and expectations and demonstrated warmth, children fared better. In other words, good parenting by no custodial parents matters. In short, children benefit from continued relationships with nonresidential parents.

Limited economic resources
Due to limited economic resources, children in single-parent families may have more difficulties. Following divorce, custodial parents (mostly mothers) generally have less income than most two-parent families. There is a common belief that many of the difficulties experienced by children are the result of the economic difficulties experienced in these families. The overall evidence is not as strong in support of this hypothesis as might be expected. Generally, family income is positively associated with children's well-being, but some studies have not found that income improves children's well-being. It is important to note the divorced families economic circumstances do not account completely for the well-being of children. Researchers have statistically controlled for income differences between intact and divorced families and all of the differences between children in these two types of families do NOT disappear. In other words, there are still some other factors affecting children's well-being above and beyond money. One of the ways that lower income may impact children is through disruptions that may result from less money. Many divorced families change residence which may result in changes in schools, child care, friends, and other supportive relationships. In short, less money often leads to more disruptions which may lead to more problems for children.

Stressors and changes
In general, the accumulation of multiple stressors and changes create difficulties for children. There are only a few studies that have explored this hypothesis, but the results seem to support it. More often children in single parent families moved the more likely they were to drop out of school or become pregnant during the teen years. In general, the more stressful experiences that children encounter during divorce the more difficulty they will have. There is also evidence that indicates that children whose parents divorce more than once are worse off than children who only experience one parental divorce.
The skills that parents have in dealing with children have a profound influence on children's well-being. Overall, the evidence indicates that many parents report diminished parenting practices immediately following divorce which appears to contribute to some of the problems that children experience. Many studies have also examined the relationship between child-rearing skills and children's well-being. There is overwhelming research evidence that indicates that parenting skills and the types of relationships between parent and child are strong influences on how well children are doing.

“Conflict”, between parents. Another risk that causes children's difficulty is conflict between parents prior to, during and after the divorce that contributes to lower well-being. There have been a number of studies examining this issue. Generally, it has been found that children in high conflict families (either intact or divorced) fare worse than children in low conflict families. Some studies have found that children in non-conflict single parent families are doing better than children in confliction two-parent families. There is also evidence that children begin to have difficulties prior to divorce and that some of these difficulties are associated with the conflict present prior to divorce. Post-divorce conflict has a strong influence on children's adjustment. Children in those families that can cooperate and reduce conflict are faring better.

There are a number of factors that account for why children in divorcing families may have difficulties—loss of contact with a supportive parent, fewer economic resources that lead to multiple changes, more stress, poor parental adjustment, lack of parental competence and conflict between parents. When these risks can be reduced or overcome, then children will fare better.

The divorce itself is usually not the first major change in the affected child’s life. Parental conflict before the separation often leads to internalizing and externalizing behavior problems, even in preschoolers.
Children’s sense of loss is ongoing and may increase, especially on holidays, birthdays, and special school events and when trying to integrate new family relationships. Other losses for the child or adolescent relate to changes in home, extended family, school, playmates, financial status, and parental work schedules.
Up to half of children show a symptomatic response during the first year after their parents divorce. Risk factors for continuing childhood difficulty include ongoing parental discord, maternal depression, psychiatric disorders in either parent, or poverty. Long-term follow-up studies indicate that divorce may limit or delay children’s capacity for intimacy and commitment as young adults

Children's feelings are important. You can help them understand their feelings by talking about how they feel. This will help them work through emotions ranging from anger, hurt, jealousy and fear at a difficult time such as a separation.
When parents separate or divorce children feel confused, guilty, and sad and often have a sense of loss. This is a difficult time for parents who are already feeling mixed emotions. It is important that you share feelings with your children and explain the changes to your family and how these will affect them. Don't expect them to understand everything.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON...It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.

The, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. Sometimes they die. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. Your need has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON...It is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! “But”, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out whom you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a Neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, Willpower or heart.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create
Who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, But because in a way, they are teaching you to love, and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your
Heart, forgive them my friend, for they have helped you learn
About trust and the importance of being cautious to
Whom you open your heart.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say.

Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high.
Hold your head up because you have every right to.
Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in
Yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make anything you wish of your life.
Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

And if you love someone tell them, for you never know
What tomorrow may have in store?

Learn a lesson in life each day that you live!
Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday.
Was it worth it?

Blogging Yes He!He!He!

"History has proven, God has never given anyone a dream without also including the power to achieve that dream it is up to us to"

There are three kinds of givers -- the flint, the sponge and the honeycomb. To get anything out of a flint you must hammer it. And then you get only chips and sparks. To get water out of a sponge you must squeeze it, and the more you use pressure, the more you will get. But the honeycomb just overflows with its own sweetness. Which kind of giver are you?

Giving with glad and generous hearts has a way of routing out the tough old miser within us. Even the poor need to know that they can give. Just the very act of letting go of money, or some other treasure, does something within us. It destroys the demon greed.

Life is a journey filled with lessons, hardships, heartaches, joys, celebrations and special moments that will ultimately lead us to our destination, our purpose in life. The road will not always be smooth; in fact, throughout our travels, we will encounter many challenges.

Some of these challenges will test our courage, strengths, weaknesses, and faith. Along the way, we may stumble upon obstacles that will come between the paths that we are destined to take. In order to follow the right path, we must overcome these obstacles. Sometimes these obstacles are really blessings in disguise, only we don't realize that at the time.

Along our journey we will be confronted with many situations, some will be filled with joy, and some will be filled with heartache. How we react to what we are faced with determines what kind of outcome the rest of our journey through life will be like.

New Year begins,
let us pray that
it will be a year with New Peace,
New Happiness
and abundance of new friends,
God bless you
through out the New Year.

Respect and Love

Never allow your partner or yourself to denigrate the other.

You must have personal respect and consideration for yourself.

Everyone deserves respect and love, but you can't expect to get it unless you give it.

If you allow your partner to disparage you, expect to hear other damaging words.

Whatever you are willing to accept is exactly what you're going to get.

Be compassionate, understanding, forgiving and merciful.

Patience, kindness, consideration and thoughtfulness can never be in short demand.

Find love never let a person use names or words to hurt or degrade you or your partner.

Vow to protect yourself from thoughtless, rude, mean or punishing behavior.

If destructive words are being used, for whatever the reason, it must stop. If not, a relationship can't survive.

Once you've reacted you can then be proactive.

A controlled mouth shows a controlled mind. Use words for empowerment, encouragement and positive recognition.

Ask for respect. Quietly demand it. If your lover, partner, parent or friend can't exhibit self control over their mouth, seriously consider looking elsewhere for a relationship.

Pick an appropriate the time to discuss important issues. This is particularly true if there is an emotional charge where feelings of anger or vexation need to be vented.

Find love Never enter into discussion of personal, private or intimate issues in public. Wait until you have privacy and the time to tackle issues.

If a person makes a mistake, or does something that disappoints or angers you, belittlement or badmouthing them in front of others will only lead to further resentment, anger and frustration.

Trying to discuss things in bed before sleep, or while getting ready for bed is simply thoughtless, inconsiderate and a remedy for disaster.

Trying to discuss anything when the other person won't cooperate or take the time to talk is a waste of time.

If necessary make a date to talk.

If the person keeps on delaying or avoiding conversation or discussion on issues that are important or significant to you, you may need to put it in writing and place it in their hands.

Talking is good for closure of some issues. And, unless allowed, will create a wound that won't close.

Find love: - You can never truly waste your thoughts and words on the separated or departed. Life and thought continues.

Romance doesn't just exist, you must make it happen. You must make a sincere effort to keep it alive to help your relationship flourish.

Little things count, it doesn't have to be a dozen roses and champagne all the time. A favorite piece of candy in a pocket or a little note can mean a lot.

Commit yourself to do something romantic every day. Show it. Demonstrate it. It's the accumulative total of all the little things that in end adds up to a super special love and romance.
.............................................................................................................
Have you ever wondered why some people are able to have success in dating and relationships, while others struggle and wonder if love will ever come their way? The answer could be found in understanding Love Rules.

The three most important things to remember are: Stop, Look, and Listen.

Stop.

Stop focusing on what you don't have and bring what you do have into view. You have attributes, talents, and abilities unique to you. Think about what they are and showcase them. The same goes for your appearance. Enhance and appreciate your good features, polish up what you have, and let go of any inner critical remarks that pass negative judgment on you.

Look.

Look at what you do to your self esteem when you act like a judgment machine. Nothing good comes from mean criticism. Find your encouraging voice that cheers you on. Whenever you have a win or do something you are proud of, tell yourself, "Yes team! Way to go!" Put that sentiment in your own words and make it your new mantra.

Listen.

Listening is a gift--to us and to others. Men are deeply attracted to women who are gracious listeners; women warm to a man who can hear what they have to say and respond appropriately. Be a good listener starts with hearing your own judgmental voice first and learning to turn the volume down. When you are kind to yourself,
Then caring ripples out to others.

Wrap these three rules in a blanket of a positive attitude. Negativity repels love; a positive attitude attracts who and what you want.

If you notice negative judgments curling up in your mind, wanting and waiting to spring forth, monitor the words and phrases that would give those thoughts a life.

Stop, Look, and Listen.